Uhm well, I just feel that I need to write something about my 2009, though I never do this before. This 2009, and the previous 2 years, has been an unproductive in writing. Not just those so-called-stylish-writing like poem, or just light writing about my daily life. Well, this could be the effect of blog is no longer be a trend lately :), This might be a long and boring note if you want to read.
I started 2009, with a happy feeling of how I did 2007 and 2008 in great success. In 2007, I had great time in my working career with my current company. I worked on high profile job and went to France to do that, I felt I did well in my technical training. One of my biggest achievements in 2007 was how I managed quite well my office family day. It was sometimes around September 2007 in Bandung, took 3-4 months of preparations, stressful day, and dealing with company regulations, tried to satisfy people’s need, etc. And guess what, it was a flawless show. No time delay, all issues were handled perfectly, everyone satisfied; I got a lot of word praises. That was also one of the reason I got my first A. I demonstrated my managerial skills. But then, suddenly I realized, what I did was demonstrating my egoism skill and poor communication skills. Since, I almost plan and took action just by myself. But it was good effort though. And I started my graduate study in University of Indonesia in July 2007.
A year after that, in 2008, I started involved in HAGI activities. Why? I just felt that I like to gather around with people like me, those who are coming from the same background, especially those who are coming from Dept. of Geophysics and Meteorology, ITB. I was asked by my senior in SLB (also he is my senior in college, though I never met him in campus, to help him to manage a Geophysics Olympiad for high school student. I had to work with university student to hold this agenda. At the beginning of the preparation for this agenda, I felt confidence with my managerial skill after successful family day in my office. Meeting by meeting, issues by issues, problem by problem, thanks to God, I managed to achieve the objective, not just achieved, but performed with good grade. I believed, senior in HAGI pleased with what I did. But then, even though I directed all the agenda, it was still become a one man show performance. Thanks to my team, the HMGI, and all of those who helped me. This is my achievement in 2008, I felt I’ve grown from nothing to something.
Then, I started to realized, all of my achievements in 2007 and 2008 was the start of my personal disaster. I’ve grown become something that I don’t like. I grow to be good in front of public by becoming what public wants. I didn’t become what myself should be, what my passion should be. And then again, I started to see what my technical deficiencies are in my technical work, in my social skills, etc. And then again, I failed to manage my time perfectly. And then again I failed to keep my spirit up. Even though in the beginning of 2009, I felt happy and confidence and ready to get another good grade in 2009, day by day after that, what I felt was my just stupidity, and how I cursed my past. I started to look up for reason for things that I don’t like. I started to be a person that public hate and I personally hate myself to see that. I started to see the end of my personal plan.
I felt like a coward, but I felt I have to finish what I have started. I tried to fix what I’ve done wrong in the past, some of them were fixed, and some of them were not. Not because it can’t be fixed, but also because my stupidity made me a lazy persons to fix it. My 2009, is a down turn point for me. I believe God is reminding me now of how I should get back to HIS track.
But, not all of them are failure.
I’m happy that I finished my graduate school, even though with a so-so mark. I’m happy, that my girl friend already come back to Indonesia, and now we’re seriously thinking about way forward. I’m happy, that my brother is already in Indonesia, and my family is all in Jakarta now.
I hope I can go back in time and fix all my failure, but I couldn’t. I wish all of them were never happened, but it will never be disappeared in my history of life. Those will be a good lesson for me. I hope I can get back to my peak performance, and do a better thing next year. I will do it.
And then what?
These are my plan forward,
About School and Personal Research
- I felt what I got from my graduate school is not enough. I still want to learn much thing. Especially if I want to do PhD in the next year, I have to prepare myself. So, I need to learn deeper on fundamental mathematics, physics, and geology.
- I will prepare a personal learning curriculum, and tried to match that with online course that are available for free, such as MIT open courseware.
- Come up with ‘some-kind-of-research-proposal`, and try to do personal research based on that.
About Career and Job
- Finish my promotion as soon as possible, and decide which way to go
- Decide whether to become a one club man, or start become a wanderer
About love and life
- Make a better financial plan, this will be how I pay my debts and how not to get more debts,
- Should exercise writing, not just technical writing, but also popular writing,
- Get married.
About Social Life
Should reduce workload beside my current job and focus on personal research.
About Past Failure
I don’t think I have any option; I have to deal with it, no matter what happened.
I already think about this writing since a week ago, but after I wrote long posting like this, I think this is not what I planned to write 😛
Love you God, please help to me always be your soldier.